I have added a new Category entitled “Daddy…Loving Memory” where all the Personal items that I have written about my Dad will be easily found.

My Dad’s battle with cancer is now over. My family and I hold dear the conviction that he has gone on to a much better place where he no longer struggles with cancer or CMT. Where his legs and hands will now be free and mobile and strong as they once were when he was young and where there is no more pain.

I am really trying to do more celebrating of his life than mourning of his death and that is why I have been going over old photo albums and such … but I guess that will come easier when my own personal, and my family’s personal, grief is not quite so very sharp.

Although words are not coming very easily right now, I do however, wish to honor my Dad’s memory on this day. So maybe through these few pictures that I found while going through some very old photo albums that had some pictures of my Dad, my Mom and me in the very early days, a start can be made. The pictures are very old and not great quality, but I hope they do some justice.

My Dad and me when I was only 9 mos old:

Daddy and me at 9 mos old - pic 1

Daddy and me at 9 mos old - pic 2

My Dad, working with his Dad, on a car and getting unexpectedly caught by a shudder bug (likely my Mother or my Aunt Dottie – my Dad’s sister):

Daddy and Grandpop - 1957 working on a car and caught on camera

My Mother, my Dad and me the same year, 1957:

My Mother, my Dad and me in 1957

These are two pictures of me sitting in the Go Cart my Dad made for me out of an old baby buggy, some tin cans for headlights, an old crate, some paint, a Go Army bumper sticker for the front and an old license plate on the back, and a few other things when I was a little girl in 1962:

Black and white photo of the front end of the go cart my Dad built for me in 1962

Color photo of the back end of the go cart my Dad built for me in 1962

There were many wonderful days that were shared growing up and as an adult with my Daddy, my Pappa. I will try to remember them all.

EDIT (You may need to clear your cache to see some of the pictures again. I changed the names of the files to not have spaces so all browsers can see them. I have added items several times on 5/26 and so far once on 5/27. These ramblings are a work in progress. As I think of things, I am adding them. On 5/27, I added the part about Daddy’s love of mathematics and problem solving and worked on a few clarifications. These are mainly in addition to the previous blog entries on Daddy and I don’t think they repeat anything from the other blog entries.

The memories that I am sharing below mainly are from the very early days of my childhood on Gladney Avenue in Toms River, and some are about Daddy in general that most of our family knows or at least might remember vaguely.

The reason I am sharing the early memories is because I am the eldest of 6 children and there are nearly 5 years between me and the next child down in our family; which just means I might have a few memories of the earlier days that some of my siblings may not know about, or remember because they were too young at the time or not even born yet.)

Some rambling memories…

I remember …

Yes, I was Dad’s ‘Gus’ or ‘Gus Gus’ … it was his pet name for me when I was growing up… and he’d still call me that sometimes even as an adult and I remember how good it made me feel to hear him say it..even though I have no idea what it meant or why he called me that.

Or how as a child he would tease me when I’d run out the door and tell me to come back .. that I had forgotten something, and I’d look all around, and then he’d say ‘your footprints,’ or when he’d tickle my feet till I’d be laughing through tears crying Uncle!, or rubbing his morning beard on my face (yuk!), and so many other wonderful little things … like I’ve mentioned in earlier postings.

As a child, I remember that we sometimes would go to the Western Auto with a bag or box of television tubes and he’d let me test them in the tube tester there. He’d let me watch or help when he worked on things and I’d pester him with questions.

How he built me that go cart with such love and care.

I remember how he’d sometimes take me to Fort Dix with him and out to the ranges, and show me ‘Snoopy’ the tank, or take me with him on runs when he worked for the dry cleaner delivering clothes, or to the Island Heights Yacht Club where he also worked to make some extra money to support our growing family especially after he was ‘Honorably Discharged for Medical Reasons’ when they discovered he had CMT (Charcot Marie Tooth Disease) and that his being in the Army was making the disease progress more rapidly — because of the added physical activities of military life. Because the disability wasn’t nearly enough for a family our size, and because he didn’t get 100% disability for many years, he was always working extra jobs to make ends meet.

How he’d stop and get us ice cream or Stewart’s draft root beer, or drive to Seaside to look at the ocean.

I remember, after all the chores and other things that he wanted to get done for the day were completed, how we’d sit and rest in the evening, or on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon and watch old classic movies and musicals, or scifi flicks, or kung fu movies, war movies. He had such a wide variety of interests.

He passed along his love of movies, music, and of the Three Stooges and vintage cartoons. He really filled out my love of music to include so many other types of music besides the music of the day. He also passed on his zest for life, the sciences, electronics, and so much more.

And conversation … always respectful but in a very real sense a camaraderie.

I remember we’d work together building something, or tearing down engines and then put them back together after cleaning and fixing the parts, and tuning the engines till they purred … (“I helped” and always ran to get tools he needed, all of which he taught me to know by name).

He dearly loved to work on car engines, or other mechanical, and/or early electronic devices. It broke my heart to see him have to finally give that up little by little as he just didn’t have the stamina, strength or dexterity to do it any more.

He also loved mathematics and loved to work out mathematical problems. He was a problem solver; it was his nature, and not just in mathematics.

He would say that we can do anything that we set our mind to do. I am sure that my high rating in mechanical reasoning on test scores was entirely attributable to Daddy’s influence. I only wish I could have been as good as he wanted me to be in mathematics as well.

At one point, he actually worked in the Dividends dept on Wall Street and commuted 2 hours a day from the Jersey Shore to New York City.

And oh, boy, the big pots of delicious spaghetti sauce and chili that Daddy would make for the family.

And I will never forget Dad patiently teaching me to drive, to parallel park, and it especially touches my heart to remember when when he drove up with the lane in a beautiful light lavender convertible Corvair with white leather bucket seats that he had secretly found for me as my first car at some farm where it sat for two years before he got it (he had such plans of working over the engine and making it just so), and he was so excited that he pushed the old car a bit too hard and cracked the block on it’s maiden voyage home coming up the hill on the lane in front of the house where we were staying in PA at the time … he was heartbroken and how could I blame him for it, he blamed himself! I was sad about the car, but so touched about his thoughtfulness and his grief at breaking the car. Later after we moved back to NJ from PA, he bought another used car for me, a Galaxy 500 that he worked on till it was ‘just right.’

I remember my Dad’s early CB days, and later when he lovingly called me watermelon on the CB when I was pregnant with my first child and when he talked with his friends — folks we had never met on the CB. (I was mortified! but he didn’t mean it in a bad way … he just always loved to lovingly tease.)

I remember so many things … I remember how Daddy took care of us, and how hard it was on the family when he was still in the military and he went overseas for tours of duty to Germany, Korea. How he and mother would create tapes on a portable reel-to-reel tape recorder (Mother and Daddy had matching recorders that they bought before he left on that ToD) and would send them back and forth instead of writing letters so we could all hear his voice and he could hear ours. It was particularly nice that Christmas when he couldn’t be there for Christmas. I also remember how when Daddy had the opportunity to stopover in Japan on the way home on one tour, he brought back beautiful Japanese Geisha dolls … one beautifully dressed with a lot of hats, another again beautifully dressed with an umbrella and wysteria trailing, and the third was a larger one, a bride groom in the most beautiful costume with long white hair and beard. He brought some other cool things as well such as these cool little thick rubber slippers that were so narrow I could never keep them on my feet and a carved ship.

Speaking of ships … he painstakingly built a ship in a bottle one time and another big ship, with three masts and all the rigging and proper knots and everything, very intricate (that ship sat on the old stero/turntable cabinet) … now that takes some patience!

He loved the water and was an avid swimmer. He loved to fish and actually got his picture in the paper for catching the first Striped Bass of the season (a 14 1/2 lb). The picture also hung in the store of a friend’s shop in Seaside for many years. He also had a small motor boat that he loved to take out on the Toms River in NJ.

I remember … how he wouldn’t give in to CMT (Charcot Marie Tooth Disease), and how he’d keep walking and trying to keep walking with out the cane whenever he could, and kept creating new and innovative ways to do the things he wanted to do when his hands would no longer cooperate as he wanted them to.

I also remember, how his faith in his God kept him strong and helped him get through some of the toughest things a person will ever have to endure.

And I will always remember the great love and pride in his eyes at this daughters’ and his son’s weddings. And in the birth of each of his grandchildren and great grandchildren.

I have not even touched the surface of the wonderful memories I have of my Dad. I feel I have not been able to do him justice somehow.

I will always remember my Daddy, my Pappa with great love and admiration.

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Comments on: "To My Dad .. In Loving Memory" (18)

  1. Corrine said:

    You are very fortunate to have so many wonderful memories.

    God bless you and your family.

  2. Thanks so much Corrine for your kind words and for taking the time to post them.

    God bless you and your family as well.

  3. My deepest condolences to you and your family, Fran. Thank you for sharing all these wonderful memories with us.

  4. Thank you Elayne …

    Somehow, it was therapeutic for me to do it, as well as being able to share some of my memories of my Dad with you all.

  5. My deepest sympathies go to you, Fran, and all those near and dear to you who are still here dealing with your loss. I’m thinking good thoughts toward all of you.

  6. Thank you Ken … it really has been a very difficult day and posting here on my blog, I think actually helped me keep busy enough not to cry every minute … but it comes and goes like a stupid water faucet anyway.

    I appreciate your thoughts .. they certainly mean alot.

  7. I would also like to thank all of you who emailed me and posted elsewhere as well.

    All your thoughts and prayers have been very much appreciated.

  8. I will always have the memory of my 3-year old daughter, Megan, playing hide and seek with her Great-Poppy when we visited him in the hospital. He would make one of his trademark silly faces and she would hide behind my husband and then pop up again, laughing, to repeat the process. I know how happy that made Poppy and it will be a cherished memory for the rest of my life. He was such a wonderful man! I love him very much.

  9. Our dear Robin! I am so happy that you posted that! Just reading it brought tears to my eyes … yet again … good tears of healing!

    Yes, he was a wonderful man! And we will remember him so he will always be with us.

    We love you very much and thank you for taking time to post here.

    Give a big hug and kiss to our grandbaby Megan for us!

  10. Berta (lil sis) said:

    I wanted to thank you for such a great tribute to our Father – a great man. He not only touched our lives but kids in the neighborhood where we grew up, and people he would meet anywhere. Everyone was touched by his great personality and smile. You were right – he always had a great outlook on life – no matter what. I guess 8 children, 5 girls living, 1 boy living, and 2 deceased girls later – his sense of humor only got better. Thanks Fran for always being the best big sister there is.

    Love you much – Berta (lil sis)

  11. Berta, thanks for taking the time to post …

    That is so true about Daddy. All through the years growing up at the Jersey Shore, kids and adults would always come by to talk to Daddy about one thing or another, whether it was a project they needed help on, or just to ‘shoot the breeze’ as it were.

    Daddy did have a really great outlook on life — despite all he’d been through and had to deal with and even with those things he could not change. He always had a half full cup.

    He certainly knew how to turn lemons into some great lemonade … and his sense of humor and his smile, his passion for living and helping others, most definitely served him well no matter what cards life dealt him.

    Love to you as well Berta.

  12. What a nice tribute by having a special section for your father. I should do the same since I have several similar reflection posts on my blog. I do have it listed among my fav posts but not as a seperate category.

  13. Thanks Tara … I very much appreciate you taking the time to post. It somehow just seemed the right thing to do … having a separate category for my Daddy.

    He meant so much to our entire family and I find it comforting that they and our friends and other visitors here on my blog can read about him and hopefully appreciate some of who he was.

    He is greatly missed. This past Christmas was very hard indeed. The feeling of loss was very great this first Christmas without him. But we are thankful that he is beyond the pain and suffering now.

    Thanks again for taking the time to post on my blog. Much appreciated.

  14. Thanks for sharing your memories. I wish I could view your pictures, but I can’t seem to get them to come up for me.
    I know your pain of loosing a Daddy. I also lost mine to cancer, and it was the hardest thing I ever went through. It changes you. I have shead a tear on reading your tribute…..but so happy I found it. It helps sometimes just to read others words about there loved ones. I loved my Daddy so much and miss him so. But, we are so lucky to have had such a great Man in our life.

    You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers

  15. Thank you so much Sandi for your kind words. It was certainly the hardest thing I have ever been through. But as you I feel so lucky to have had such a great Man in my life.

    You and yours are also in my thoughts and prayers.

  16. Oh, no…I almost forgot!

    I have moved my blog recently and I hadn’t gone back over all the posts as yet to note that the pictures here were not working.

    Thank you for letting me know … much appreciated.

    I will fix that now!

  17. OK, these are fixed 🙂

  18. […] Pictures and .ogg Audio Files on BambisMusings.com Yea! The images and .ogg audio files are back on the Klok – Memorial, and the Spring 2006 Blossoms page and on the the following Memorial postings for my Dad: Until We Meet Again and To My Dad .. In Loving Memory. […]

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